Essentials: The Cocktail Party Anecdote
Cocktail parties are the pinnacle of entertainment. With booze and good banter making up the majority of the Bootstrap Gentleman’s diet, he is never more sufficed than when regaling eager listeners with a gimlet-induced tale of saving one of Hemingway’s cats from a burning house in Key West.
This, my humble students, is what I like to call the gentleman’s cocktail party anecdote. It is the narrative that you use to endear yourself to the crowd, and in essence become the most coveted conversationalist at any event.
I like to tell a story about casually calling the screenwriter of On the Waterfront to discuss the origin of the famous line “I could have been a contender.” Who knew Brando wasn’t a great boxer? Apparently I did, and that makes me infinitely more interesting than the guy discussing the Asian commodities markets.
Your signature epic should be like Kim Kardashian: nicely rounded but devoid of substance. Never, ever discuss politics, religion or scotch preference. The last thing you want to do is appear uninformed or dimwitted. Worse yet, you could get your drunken ass beat to an ascot-wearing pulp. If you are like me, chances are you already socialize with people that are elitist, conceited and shallow, so these traits are usually overlooked or even welcomed.
Be sure to save your inappropriate tales for more intimate, postprandial conversation once the rest of the guests are a bit soused. Let’s be honest, you already like to talk about yourself, so make your linguacious tendencies work to your advantage. Like the cocktail shaker you keep at your bedside, the success of your verbal intercourse will be essential for nighttime mixing.
Conversationally,
Bootstrap
