The Bootstrap Gentleman

"A gentleman knows that when the Kentucky Derby falls on Cinco de Mayo the only answer is a..."

Sat, 05 May 2012 00:52:11 -0400

“A gentleman knows that when the Kentucky Derby falls on Cinco de Mayo the only answer is a Mintarita.”

"A gentleman knows there is nothing wrong with a night cap. Or a morning cap for that matter."

Sat, 28 Apr 2012 21:56:59 -0400

“A gentleman knows there is nothing wrong with a night cap. Or a morning cap for that matter.”

"A gentleman knows that if he has a Rolls Royce he is meant to ride in it, not drive it."

Thu, 01 Mar 2012 20:13:43 -0500

“A gentleman knows that if he has a Rolls Royce he is meant to ride in it, not drive it.”

Essentials: The Cocktail Party Anecdote Cocktail parties are the...

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 13:25:00 -0500

Essentials: The Cocktail Party Anecdote

Cocktail parties are the pinnacle of entertainment. With booze and good banter making up the majority of the Bootstrap Gentleman’s diet, he is never more sufficed than when regaling eager listeners with a gimlet-induced tale of saving one of Hemingway’s cats from a burning house in Key West.

This, my humble students, is what I like to call the gentleman’s cocktail party anecdote. It is the narrative that you use to endear yourself to the crowd, and in essence become the most coveted conversationalist at any event.

I like to tell a story about casually calling the screenwriter of On the Waterfront to discuss the origin of the famous line “I could have been a contender.” Who knew Brando wasn’t a great boxer? Apparently I did, and that makes me infinitely more interesting than the guy discussing the Asian commodities markets.

Your signature epic should be like Kim Kardashian: nicely rounded but devoid of substance. Never, ever discuss politics, religion or scotch preference. The last thing you want to do is appear uninformed or dimwitted. Worse yet, you could get your drunken ass beat to an ascot-wearing pulp. If you are like me, chances are you already socialize with people that are elitist, conceited and shallow, so these traits are usually overlooked or even welcomed.

Be sure to save your inappropriate tales for more intimate, postprandial conversation once the rest of the guests are a bit soused. Let’s be honest, you already like to talk about yourself, so make your linguacious tendencies work to your advantage. Like the cocktail shaker you keep at your bedside, the success of your verbal intercourse will be essential for nighttime mixing.

Conversationally,

Bootstrap

A gentleman does not wear a knit cap unless he is robbing a convenience store.

Sun, 11 Dec 2011 04:33:43 -0500

A gentleman does not wear a knit cap unless he is robbing a convenience store.

Good Breeding: A Gentleman is Timely You often hear people say...

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 17:35:00 -0400

Good Breeding: A Gentleman is Timely

You often hear people say to invest in land because they aren’t making any more of it, but you know what else they aren’t making any more of? My time. Just like a fertile field a gentleman cultivates his time with productive and cultural activities.

With so many French novels to read, fine wines to drink and MTV reality shows to catch up on, it’s no wonder why waiting for the perpetually late can be irksome.

There are some circumstances where being somewhat unpunctual is acceptable. Being fashionably late to a cocktail party never goes out of style, and delaying your minions while you are “executive late” to a meeting is also de rigueur. In such examples the gentleman is actually on time by social standards, if not by the clock.

Yet, being late for a date, a scheduled appointment or your parole hearing is unacceptable. If you want others to treat your time as important the courtesy should be mutual.

The only time a gentleman should be described as truly late is when he’s dead.

Tick Tock

Bootstrap

A gentleman is “entertaining” not “intoxicated”.

Fri, 22 Jul 2011 22:08:30 -0400

A gentleman is “entertaining” not “intoxicated”.

Good Breeding: A Steady Hand A man’s handwriting says a...

Thu, 14 Jul 2011 18:18:29 -0400

Good Breeding: A Steady Hand

A man’s handwriting says a lot about him, literally. Experts contend that how you put pen to paper can express fear, confidence, frustration, sociopathy etc. I have never put much store by graphology; mainly because I don’t want to know the local dry cleaner has the potential to murder me in cold blood when looking at my claim check.

What I am talking about is the look of a man’s handwriting. We have all seen a note that looks more like an EKG than the alphabet. Ask yourself, “do I want my sentimental jots to conjure up sweet nothings or indicate hypertension?”

If a man’s hand is sloppy the same can usually be said of the person. When letter writing was the preeminent method of communication, men took pride in their script. Writing was a skill of the privileged few, and it was taken seriously. Unfortunately it is rare to see refined penmanship in our typewritten world.

Perhaps this is an indication of a more casual society that doesn’t require love letters or frequent notes of regret to the hostesses of black tie balls. Yet, you never know when you may need to make an important pronouncement in written form, so it’s time to start minding your p’s and q’s.

Remember though, now as in eons gone by, a written letter is still a very personal gesture, so unless you know the recipient well, keep your hand to yourself.

Bootstrap

p.s.- I pen all of my posts into a leather bound ledger for posterity.

A trophy wife is like a Chia Pet you grow with gin.

Fri, 10 Jun 2011 01:29:35 -0400

A trophy wife is like a Chia Pet you grow with gin.

Travel: Friends with Benefits It’s Memorial Day, and that...

Sat, 28 May 2011 23:55:12 -0400

Travel: Friends with Benefits

It’s Memorial Day, and that can only mean one thing- a country weekend. Three days isn’t enough to make it to your yacht moored in the south of France, but it is time enough to tolerate those friends in your social circle that have access to more than an acre of land and a fully stocked bar. These are the low dose people you can only take with fresh air and a significant supply of gin.

The Bootstrap Gentleman himself doesn’t have access to beach houses in Kiawah, but if he plays his cards right that doesn’t matter. Sometimes one just needs to break free of the shackles of urban elitism, dust off the white bucks and take a midnight train to Georgia…er, to the tony suburbs of Manhattan.

It is best to have a plan, or at least an awareness, of how things are going to go down on the farm. First day: you really will tell yourself that you like this host. First night: get drunk and talk about how much you hate city living. Second Day: spend time in the sun, feign a hangover and keep earbuds in. Second night: get drunk and flirt with the house staff. Third day: embrace your host and hostess, thank them for a lovely weekend and get the hell out with what’s left of your dignity… and an aweseome tan.

Green Acres is the place for us (on holiday weekends only).

Bootstrap and Garter Belt Gal (Coming to you live from the middle of nowhere)

Good Breeding: A Gentleman Doesn’t Steal (Ideas) The title...

Sun, 27 Feb 2011 18:09:11 -0500

Good Breeding: A Gentleman Doesn’t Steal (Ideas)

The title says it all. A gentleman doesn’t steal, not even those tempting bathrobes at the Four Seasons. The internet is rife with theft, and I am not just talking about people who get their kidneys stolen by using dating sites. I am talking about idea theft.

Unfortunately I recently discovered that one of the ideas from this site was imitated and re-used (not nearly as well if I do say so myself) on The Art of Manliness. The picture is not of my own origin, and the words are not plagiarized, so nothing illegal has been done, but the results speak for themselves.

Now we at Bootstrap have been avid fans of The Art of Manliness, so the email below was sent to their attention. I suggest you all take a look at the links in question.

“Hello,

I read your blog often, and enjoy the content. I have been writing a blog called The Bootstrap Gentleman (www.thebootstrapgentleman.com) for about a year, and it seems as though we are touching on many of the same topics. The blog is mostly a humorous take on being a gentleman in modern society with the occasional wardrobe tip or cocktail recipe thrown in for good measure.

I recently ran across this article that you posted last month:
http://artofmanliness.com/2011/01/25/stylish-travel-clothing/

It reminded me of a few linked posts on my site that you can find here:

http://www.thebootstrapgentleman.com/post/436015544/travel-air-travel-li
ke-a-gentleman-part-i

http://www.thebootstrapgentleman.com/post/265759336/packing-for-a-weeken
d-furlough

Based on what I have read on your site I have a number of posts that I think you would enjoy. I have the Art of Manliness linked on my site so my readers can find you, and it would be fantastic if you could re-post one of my articles in any of your various virtual venues or give the Bootstrap Gentleman a nod.”

I had hoped this would be subtle yet firm, but unfortunately a response has not been received. Apparently “reviving the lost art of manliness” includes being a coward.

I would encourage my loyal readers to reblog this post or share it on Facebook. Let’s give them a run for their money.

Honestly,

Bootstrap

Disturbing Trend: NASCARTrack season used to conjure up images...

Sun, 20 Feb 2011 20:25:35 -0500

Disturbing Trend: NASCAR

Track season used to conjure up images of men in morning coats and women in ostentatious hats. Now as NASCAR is hailed as the most popular “sport” in America with over 75 million reported fans, the term has a very different meaning.

When you think about it, why wouldn’t NASCAR be America’s pastime? You never have to get off your couch, leaving your busy schedule of getting fat uninterrupted, and there are no rules to master. To be an avid fan all one needs to be able to do is watch a car circle the same track over and over again. Inactivity of mind and body. Pure genius.

NASCAR is just another example of how American society is moving further away from top hats and juleps down the dangerous road toward mullets and sweatpants. Seeing the throngs of enthusiasts gathered across the country to watch today’s Daytona 500 makes one wonder if those of us with full sets of teeth and library cards are going to have to retreat into a Galt’s Gulch-like society just to preserve culture for future generations.

All I know is that I am ready to flee at a moment’s notice with a packed bag, flashlight and a bottle of gin. I suggest you do the same.

Bootstrap

Good Breeding: Loose Lips Sink Ships Working in an office has...

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 22:05:00 -0500

Good Breeding: Loose Lips Sink Ships

Working in an office has its benefits. You are surrounded by people who are, for the most part, paid to not look like slobs, there is an endless supply of free stationary and bar-topped credenzas are the ultimate symbol of success. Yet, there are dangers in this polished paradise.

Despite those unassuming smiles, work is guerilla warfare, and those tasseled loafers have steel toes. The general working populace is not happy. They complain. They plot. They form factions and engage in social maneuvering of military proportion. And what is the ammunition of this rogue installment? Gossip.

That’s right, licentious tales of mailroom trysts and the occasional breakfast martini can ruin careers faster than a polyester suit. Yet, it is not just the subjects of these stories that are at risk, it is those repeating them. You may feel authoritative giving a play by play young Arthur and Mildred’s happy hour antics, but do you really want stories about your Cambridge drinking society days making the rounds? I think not.

If you have nothing nice to say I certainly want you sitting next to me at the next board luncheon, but there is no way I am turning over the keys to the executive washroom. Remember, knowledge is power, but unless your blue blazer is bulletproof I suggest you use it for good, not gossip.

Confidentially,

Bootstrap

Garter Belt Gal: Don’t Air Your Clean Laundry in Public Hello...

Mon, 14 Feb 2011 18:31:18 -0500

Garter Belt Gal: Don’t Air Your Clean Laundry in Public

Hello Lovers. Today is Valentine’s Day. A day for saying sweet nothings, like “here’s looking at you kid.” Take the opportunity to tell the people you love just how much you do. Maybe skip the life-sized teddy bear though. In my opinion, this holiday could use a lot more class and a little less cheese.

Another thing that we could all use less of is people smooching up and down the streets of Soho. On this day, couples everywhere seize the opportunity to announce to the world that yes, they are in love, hear birds chirping and can’t possibly walk without the support of the other’s hand placed snugly in theirs. As Oscar Wilde so fittingly put it, “it is simply washing one’s clean linen in public.”

Why is it that Dick and Jane decide, on this one day out of the year, that they should molest each other on the train? Are they no longer Dick and Jane? The answer is no. Nothing has changed save for the flipping of one of the pages of your FiloFax. Dick has not magically transformed into Cary Grant, nor has Jane shape-shifted into Deborah Kerr.

Nobody else is wearing those rose colored glasses, so I suggest all of you smitten and wonderfully in love people respect others around you and save the roaming hands and lapping tongues for the sanctuary of your own home. Pull those floral drapes shut and go wild - just don’t use today as an excuse to air your clean laundry in public.

Note: Bootstrap may disagree, but if you are having an ill-advised, sordid affair or plan on having a glorious and dramatic argument, it is only polite to do so in public where others can watch. I’ll bring the popcorn.

Happy washing,

GBG

Retox/Fairer Sex Double Feature: One for the Ladies St....

Sun, 13 Feb 2011 19:37:53 -0500

Retox/Fairer Sex Double Feature: One for the Ladies

St. Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, and although women may pretend swoon for Swiss chocolates or a dozen long-stemmed roses, what she is really yearning for is a good, stiff…drink (get your mind out of the gutter). You might think your stories about the Ascot after party are interesting, but chances are your companion will need a little liquid encouragement.

Enter Jack Rose. Popular in the 1920s and 30s, as all good things were, the Jack Rose is another of those classic cocktails that only the most knowledgeable bartenders will know how to make. Despite its elusiveness, the Jack Rose is a relatively simple concoction combining applejack, grenadine and lime juice.

Although the proportions can vary to taste, it is commonly accepted that the correct measures are three parts applejack to one part lime juice and a few dashes of grenadine for color and flavor. Mix all three ingredients in a shaker over ice and strain to perfection into a champagne coupe as seen above.

Like Cupid’s arrow or the perfect wingman, Jack Rose will be there to make you seem more interesting and desirable. If that’s not enough to get your special someone smiling, you had better be ready to pony up for something a little more substantial.

Ain’t love grand?

Bootstrap

Good Breeding: Winter Manners In keeping with the seasonal tone...

Sun, 26 Dec 2010 17:46:26 -0500

Good Breeding: Winter Manners

In keeping with the seasonal tone of recent posts, Bootstrap would like to remind readers that just because you are swaddled beyond recognition to avoid the subzero temperatures doesn’t mean your manners should also go incognito.

A gentleman, for instance, should always remove his glove to shake hands. Understandably, for the more germophobic among us, wearing gloves may seem like a free pass, but keeping your gloves on can be considered a snub. If you are meeting a friend or colleague outside, you can follow their lead, but if you are inside, lose the glove. (Yet, be careful that your glove removal is friendly in nature, and does not seem to foretell an impending duel. Reliable sources say that more than one private club has seen bloodshed in this manner.)

Ladies, too, require extra attention in the winter months. Always help with your female companion’s coat, checking or hanging it if necessary. In locales where automobile travel is necessary being escorted to a pre-heated car is the ultimate luxury. Also, do not be shy about extending your arm on any icy sidewalk or staircase. Regardless of whether you know the lady or not, she will doubtless appreciate the offer.

Remember, while good winter manners will make others warm to you, without them your reception will be frosty, and more than one person may end up on their ass.

Bundle up

Bootstrap

The Retox: The Sidecar Just like winter requires a new blazer,...

Mon, 20 Dec 2010 22:11:43 -0500

The Retox: The Sidecar

Just like winter requires a new blazer, it also requires a new drink. Not that a gin martini isn’t just as good with your morning pancakes in December as it is in July, but even alcohol has a season.

The Sidecar, once much lauded, but now oft forgotten is one of the classic cocktails that all gentlemen should know how to mix. Although there are several variations, the classic French style calls for equal parts cognac, Cointreau and fresh lemon juice. Most cocktail books call for a sugared rim, but a gentleman’s drinks, like the man himself, should never be too saccharine. If you need the sugar to take the edge off, ask the bartender to throw some in the shaker and no one will be any the wiser.

The deep brown color and rich flavor make the sidecar a natural choice for winter, especially for those of you out there who can’t abide hot toddies or don’t have the sea legs for a single malt (understandable, but a travesty nonetheless). Yet, don’t let its unassuming personality fool your well oiled palate, the sidecar can get you tight in a hurry. Remember, a gentleman’s drink is mostly alcohol, so you may want to pace yourself.

Although the sidecar is once again appearing on cocktail menus in higher-end haunts, it still hasn’t re-entered the mainstream. Like all good signature drinks, the sidecar is stiff, classic and specific. Ordering something that only the 75 year old in the corner will know may get you a few furrowed brows, but in the right locale your confidence will lead to more than one sidelong glance. If it doesn’t, fear not, after three you will be two snockered to tell the difference.

Happy motoring.

Bootstrap

Snappy Duds: Tweed is Good Forget four seasons, in a...

Sun, 19 Dec 2010 15:40:43 -0500

Snappy Duds: Tweed is Good

Forget four seasons, in a gentleman’s year there are only two: tweed and non-tweed. Tweed season, my friends, is upon us.

Purple may be the color of royalty, but tweed is the fabric of kings. Equally at home in town or country it is an essential part of any gentleman’s wardrobe. Recently back in fashion, it can be found in abundance, but a real man does not buy organic tweed from free range wool at some warehouse in Brooklyn.

My preference is Harris Tweed, as durable as steel, a new jacket will set you back several hundred dollars. Yet, because men used to know how to dress, they can be found by the dozen on the racks of almost any Salvation Army store. I have procured several quality jackets for under $10. Remember, the Bootstrap Gentleman only looks like he spends a fortune on custom duds.

Not only for blazers, trousers and driving gloves, tweed can also be used for hunting dog coats or to upholster the seats of your 1960s E-Type.

Despite tweed’s warmth and versatility you should think twice before ordering undergarments. Proper use of tweed can make the gentleman quite chuffed, but overuse will most certainly make him chafed.

Bootstrap

Happy Birthday Bootstrap Those of you who read often know that I...

Sat, 18 Dec 2010 10:34:59 -0500

Happy Birthday Bootstrap

Those of you who read often know that I have been remiss in my posting in recent months. With the financial markets roaring back to life, a gentleman has little time to ponder the ills of the modern world. Yet, after much abuse from loyal readers Bootstrap is back, on none other than the first birthday of The Bootstrap Gentleman. Grab yourself a gimlet, and get ready for much more social commentary to come.

My winter of discontent is just beginning.

Bootstrap

Garter Belt Gal: Ogling is one thing, Googling is another A...

Sun, 10 Oct 2010 11:14:33 -0400

Garter Belt Gal: Ogling is one thing, Googling is another

A subtle once over by a man is not an offensive act; in fact, it’s usually flattering if done properly (sans tongue-wagging and any sort of hand gestures).

It wasn’t long ago that a woman could expect a few turned heads as she sashayed down Fifth Avenue, but nowadays a pair of searching eyes isn’t the only thing to expect.

The internet has caused quite a change in the courting world. On one particular occasion, I recall revealing something about myself to a suitor and was met with an unsurprised and knowing gaze. He Googled me. I knew it at that moment, and a few dates later, the gentleman even admitted it.

What is the proper protocol in such a situation? Garter Belt Gal suggests that if you must Google, Facebook or conduct some other sort of search that would make a CIA operative proud, fine. But for the love of social decorum, feign ignorance. A new acquaintance reveals her political affiliation? Her favorite music group? Her social networks? Her favorite quote? Look surprised and interested. If you’d like to know a person’s shoe size and history of gum disease prior to any personal interaction then you should go home and set up your Match.com account. Right now.

Surreptitiously searching for a potential soul mate’s secrets is what it is, but don’t allow the web to permeate personal exchanges, and definitely do not reveal knowledge of facts that the other person hasn’t personally relayed to you. A gentleman has always been able to make a lady swoon by looking deeply into her eyes, but I have yet to hear of a lady swooning because of a man looking deeply into her credit score.

A gentleman should take advantage of this rare opportunity to fake it.

Garter Belt Gal